Recently, I’m not OK. I used to get better. Everything was working great. I was happier, more energetic and calm. But idk what happened that old anxious, depressed, uncomfortable days are coming back.
Maybe it’s because I’m thinking too much again. Maybe it’s because of Soma, the girl I used to love. I’m seeing her a lot lately. Idk why I want her to suffer. I want her to pay for… actually she didn’t do anything bad. But the fact that I even can’t blame her is killing me.
She did nothing wrong. She respectfully rejected me. But I wish she had done something wrong! I mean she gave me nothing to blame her and calm myself.
Or maybe my depression is not because of her. Maybe it’s just weekly location change that is making me feel bad.
When I’m in Urmia, I’m all on myself. I wash my dishes. I clean everything. I study. I’m like a survivor.
But when I’m in Tabriz, I’m “the only darling” there. My Mom and Dad does everything! I just do whatever seems fun to me.
Location changes make me two different person. It doesn’t change that how much I want to have single personality. I’m different person in two cities. Maybe that’s why!
Or maybe there is the other reason that I’m not aware of. I just don’t want to be old depressed anxious Pouya. I want to remain being this new energetic, calm, does-whatever-he-wants Pouya.